“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” ~ Colette
Read that quote. Then re-read it. Let it sink it. Sit with it. Allow it to wander around with you as you complete your daily duties…working, cleaning, caring for children, cooking. Let it live with you for a while until the full meaning grabs your attention.
About a month ago, I came across those words. I read them. I moved along in my book. I came back to them. I re-read them. I thought about it for a while, and shrugged away the nagging feeling in my stomach and moved on with my life. Last week, I came across those exact words again. This time, I wasn’t able to shake them. I like to consider myself a happy person. I’m aware of my blessings. So why were these words haunting me? Following me around in my day to day, never far from the front of my mind. Poking at my soul. Reminding me of their presence. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far…
I’m a happy person…but I could be happier. I’m not always jumping up and down with joy. I’m not always smiling. Sometimes….believe it or not, I can be cranky and unkind! (Gasp!!) And here’s the kicker…sometimes it’s for seemingly no reason at all other than I’ve been mildly inconvenienced by someone or something. I can use harsh words. In short, I forget to be sweet, and end up being selfish. Focusing on the negative or inconvenience in a situation, no matter how small or momentary, will steal my joy. Often times, I allow that teeny, tiny, momentary irritation to seep into the rest of my life, and BOOM…negativity ensues and we all know how that crazy train runs. Fast. Blasting through anything happy. Leaving a wreckage of hurt feelings and more sadness in its’ wake.
Now don’t get me wrong. Bad crap happens. ALL the time. The world we are living in these days…wow! Bad stuff happens in our circles. Bad stuff happens in our homes. In all honesty, when I look back on my own life…there has been a fair amount of “bad” things. Things that happen beyond my own control. Things that I’ve sat back and allowed to happen. Things that potentially could have ruined me all together. But in the grand scheme of things…those were all moments, sometimes days and years, but moments nonetheless. I had to make the conscious choice to not allow those bad moments the power to define who I am today. I had to choose to take those bad moments, and look to them as opportunities for growth. (Thanks to some therapy and by the grace of God!!) So, if I can overcome some “real” bad crap, why do I allow the little, unimportant inconveniences to dampen my outlook my life? Good question!!!
Ultimately, I don’t want to be laying on my deathbed looking back and saying “oh yea…I did have a good life”. Instead, I want to KNOW and FEEL how good and happy life can be while I’m in the midst of living it!! What an amazing concept!!! So, I’m making a conscious effort these days to simply…be happy. To allow myself to focus on the good in any situation, rather than brace myself for the negativity, that may not ever come. Some days are easier than others. But I have to say…the effort is paying off. My home is happier. My husband is happier. And you know what? I’m happier.
Until Next Time: Peace, Love & Adventures